"Dsakl"

I didn't know how to act. I was sitting on the edge of a cliff. I was rolling around in a clear, plastic ball smashing down all of the blocks in the room. I was falling off of a star. I was told that it would all be okay and then I was told that it would all be not okay. Then there was the telling, there was the sitting on the carpet by the black table, there was the giant fluffy tissue, and then I was not me anymore.

I was the man on the cliff. He was being rained on by ten different colored rain clouds. They were not the same shapes. They made him very damp and cold. The cliff was very far to the sea and it was not friendly. The sides were on all three and the only way to go was back, back, back. The man sat on the ledge and the rain and the rain with its colors and shapes. The island was in the sea. Visible and always too far away. There was no raining on the island. There was sunny on the island. There was shelter and fresh water and no raining but it was a sea island and not a cliff island and it could not be reached by cliff people.

I still didn't know how to act. It moved from the carpet to the colors on the couch blue and orange and the fluffy tissue followed. I heard that it was all okay and then it was all okay. It was not okay. The air was short and staggered and it couldn't get longer. The skin was shaking and glistening because the man on the cliff had recently been rained on. And then I stood under the shower water and it washed way all of the cliff rain water. I dressed and then I was not me anymore.

I combed my hair and climbed into my clear, plastic ball. I put my seat belt on and told my assistant to give me a push. Off I went around the room, smash, smash, smash, and I knocked down all the blocks. Different sets of blocks had been set up next to each other. Every set was a complete original hand crafted and very fragile. No two sets the same. The blocks would build on the blocks in the set and create block structures. One would sit next to another when the other had the blocks that the other was missing. It would work very well until I came through in my ball. I would smash and blocks would fall and nobody was around to put them back together. The smashed down blocks would lie and the structures would be without them and sit with phantom blocks that hurt like the blocks were still there. I would roll away in my ball.

I will never how to act. Will never know. Will just turn into a floating thing and float and won't have to act because I'll be carried by the float carriers. I will float into a life and I will say you cannot mind me because I did not come here of free will I came by the float carriers who are the ones who make all of the decisions for my type and they will not understand and I will not blame them because I would not understand. I didn't understand and that's why I didn't know how to act.

It was sitting down and then it was orange and green glasses and an old brass platter on a cheaply made artificial wood table with a hole in it that was close to my looking. It was a nail hole and I stared at the nail hole to the white carpet beneath and imagined a nail being nailed in from the top and then hammered to the side and then a nail being nailed in from the bottom and then hammered to the side because no sharp points can be left. No one can get hurt, no can get hurt, no matter how the nail goes in, no one can get hurt. The nails were everywhere and there were not enough hammerers to hammer them all to the side. They stabbed and I couldn't move or be stabbed. I couldn't move but it got louder and louder and more and more contorted and the air was gone, I was not me, it was gone, the air was gone and I was floating away, the air was gone, I was floating into space, I was floating again. I looked back once and I was floating away from a bright bright star. Darkness in every direction and me floating directly away from the star, it was warm and it was bright. It smelled like home for floating things. It was getting farther and farther away but I had already decided that I was of the floating now and there was no not-floating now.

It got smaller and smaller in the bed. It got smaller and the door slammed and it got smaller and talked to me but I couldn't talk because all of the air was gone. It got smaller and almost entirely dark and smaller out the window and smaller into the car and it squealed and I was a cold, damp, man in a clear, plastic ball floating in the dark space and there were no stars for the floating and the voice said you could have stopped whenever you wanted, it wasn't gravity it was you, it wasn't floating it was you, it wasn't rolling it was you, it wasn't trapped on the edge it was you, and you put yourself in the dark and you are where you are and you know exactly why there is no air left for you now and I said I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know.